


Post Trauma

by Karinakamichi



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Military, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cutting, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Experimental, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 10:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28469415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karinakamichi/pseuds/Karinakamichi
Summary: He was a soldier, she was a doctor. She saved people, he had killed them. They were two very different people, with two very different lives, but somehow… They made it work. Self-harm/Drunk Sasuke/PTSD/Post Military AU/Very Light SasuSaku
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Kudos: 12





	Post Trauma

_**Story: Post Trauma** _

_**Summary:** _ **_He was a soldier, she was a doctor. She saved people, he had killed them. They were two very different people, with two very different lives, but somehow… They made it work. Self-harm/Drunk Sasuke/PTSD/Post Military AU/Very Light SasuSaku_ **

_**Soft SasuSaku** _

_**...** _

Waking up from nightmares was a regular occurrence for Sasuke. Every night, in fact, it seemed as though his dreams were plagued in red, of the people he'd been asked to kill, of the deaths of his family, of every single drop of blood he'd seen in his entire life, as well as the families he'd torn apart, and the lives he'd ruined.

It was normal, he was used to it. And yet, despite that rationalization, there were some nights, like tonight, that the nightmares were just too much to cope with.

Like tonight, he would often end up panicking and seek out something to calm himself down. Like tonight, he would always end up finding himself in his bathroom with fresh gashes covering his arm, just to see the blood.

Like tonight, he would sometimes end up visiting _her_ , the woman he loved.

To this day, Sakura still didn't know about the cutting, and she didn't _need_ to, because just being in her presence was enough for him. Just hearing her voice. Just seeing her smile. Just feeling her skin on his. He needed her.

" _ **You don't deserve her."**_ The voice in the back of his head chided. " _ **You're a murderer. You've killed people. She's a doctor, so she may act nice to you, but I'll bet she secretly despises you."**_

"Shut up." Sasuke growled out, trying his best to tune it out.

" _ **Why should I? It's the truth, isn't it? You know it yourself. You remember it all too well, the faces of each one of your victims, who pled for you to let them live before you killed them all in cold blood."**_

"I said to shut up…"

"Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke looked up at hearing Sakura's voice. Sakura, who was currently in her pajamas, had just opened the door for him, she smiled a bit. "I… I didn't even know you were coming out here. You could have just called me, you know... "

"Ah… Sorry, Sakura.." Sasuke said, feeling a bit guilty for just showing up out of nowhere.

"H-hey, don't worry about it. Just come on in. I actually just made a fresh batch of tea, do you want any?" Sakura invited him in nervously.

"...Yeah…" Sasuke said after a minute. When he hesitantly followed behind, she couldn't help but blush at the fact that Sasuke was in her house, as she always did around him.

Despite that, she could also tell that something was bothering him and she already had a suspicion what it was.

"...So was it... the nightmares again…?"

"...Yeah…" Sasuke gave the same short response he had just moments before.

"...Do you want to talk about it…?" Sakura asked, feeling a bit of uneasiness. It was a tricky subject with Sasuke, sometimes he would open up, other times getting through to him was as hard as getting through a deadbolt(in other words, virtually impossible).

"No."

Unfortunately, now seemed to be one of those latter times. It didn't take much to predict where the night would end up going this time around.

"Alright, but I'll be here to listen if you need to talk… So don't be afraid to-" Sakura was cut off when Sasuke grabbed her arm after putting down the cup of tea she'd just offered him.

"Don't…" Sasuke let his bangs shadow his face, before he met her green eyes. Just barely he was able to restrain from gazing over the rest of her body. "I need you."

At hearing that Sakura's face turned into a tomato, taken aback by his abruptness. Despite Sasuke's outside attitude, he was never one to initiate anything or if he did he waited centuries. But this… This was just odd.

"Sasuke-kun-"

"Please." Sasuke's voice cracked and Sakura could then see the desperation in his face. He wasn't asking for sex at the moment, that was for certain, but he _did_ want company, he did want _something_. And Sakura had no reason to deny him that.

She gave a small, heartbroken smile before sitting down next to him, letting Sasuke embrace her. "I told you before, didn't I? I'd be here if you needed something. It's-"

That's when she got the whiff of something as he rested his forehead onto her chest. "Are you drunk? Sasuke-kun… You shouldn't-"

"I know." Sasuke said, cutting her off, as he pulled back, briefly locking his lips with hers. "You don't have to lecture me. I'm not an idiot, unlike that loser Naruto."

"I'm not lecturing you. I just want you to take care of yourself." Sakura insisted.

"I know. And I appreciate the sentiments, but it's really not necessary. I'm doing just fine." Sasuke said.

"Sasuke-kun, you keep having nightmares, and to top it off you've been drinking…! How much worse does it need to get to prove to you that something is obviously wrong?"

Sasuke refused to answer that. He _couldn't_.

In the end, Sakura sighed, wrapping her arms around him. "I just wish you would talk to me more. _Shannaro yo_..."

In the end, Sasuke fell asleep in her arms, and Sakura found herself smiling gently. Sasuke always tried to carry on the appearance of some super stoic guy, but when he was sleeping, his facial expression was actually rather soft.

She laid him back on the couch, and spread a quilt over him. When he woke up, he was sure to have a hangover but that's what he got for getting drunk.

As she was situating his arms over the blanket, she noticed something. Rolling up his sleeve slightly, she saw bandage wraps - a lot of them.

Underneath them, she saw scars.

And lacerations. Not just one or two, but at least _hundreds_. At least fifty were fresh.

Since Sakura was a doctor, it didn't take a second to recognize what they were from.

_Sasuke-kun..._

As she put the bandages back like they were, she felt tears well up in her eyes, resting her forehead on the nape of his neck while he slept.

_Why would you do something like this…?_

"Sakura… You're heavy…" A weak voice said at some point, catching her attention. She sat up, meeting his eyes.

"Sasuke-kun, your arms... Why didn't you come talk to me?" Sakura asked.

Sasuke studied her for a moment, seeming to realize what she was referring to, before turning away. "...It's none of your concern… It doesn't matter, anyway."

"What are you saying…?! Of course it matters...!" Sakura insisted. "Sasuke-kun, you've been _cutting_ yourself. This isn't… This isn't right… I'm worried."

"...Shut up." Sasuke said hissed, startling her. When he saw the look on her face, he felt a pang of guilt and looked away. "There's nothing you or anybody else can do to help me. I need this... To make it go away."

"To make… _what_ go away...?" Sakura then asked.

"...Everything… I just want it… To stop. But I'm too much of a damned coward to just end it already." Sasuke muttered, and as he spoke, Sakura felt her heart break. "Every time I close my eyes, all I can ever see is the faces of the people I've hurt or killed, the people I've lost. I'm so tired of it..."

"Sasuke-kun…" Sakura said, placing a hand over his arm. "I may just be a doctor, but I've seen more than my fair share of people die under my watch, and for so many years I always ended up blaming myself for it. It's really hard sometimes… Having somebody's life in your hands just to lose them forever. But that's what makes us stronger."

"All you did was fail to keep them alive, I'm the one who pulled the trigger. I'm the one who killed them." Sasuke reasoned.

"You were following orders." Sakura challenged.

"What does that matter? They're all dead because of me. All of them. They had families... Children... And I took that away from them… I shouldn't even be alive right now..."

"Don't say that…!" Sakura cried. "Please… Just stop it… I can't stand to see you suffering like this anymore... I just want you to get better."

"...Do you really think I can… After everything I've done…?" Sasuke murmured.

Sakura was silent for a long time, before responding. "I don't know, but I'm not going to let you go through this alone, not anymore."

Sasuke reached a hand up to rest on the back of her head, lightly kissing the top of her head as he stared up at the ceiling. He always hated when he made her cry.

"I'm sorry..., Sakura."

"Damn right, you are… _Shannaro yo..._ "

…

_**This story was basically just experimenting, and will not have updates, but I hope y'all enjoyed it for what it was…?** _


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